The Zen of Marriage and Divorce?

Years ago when I was in high school, the alternative rock band Bush had a song called “everything zen” that was popular amongst teens and twenty-somethings in an era dominated by the likes of Pearl Jam and Soundgarden.  Its seems like a million eons back to me at this point.  The song was my first introduction to the concept of zen, and I had absolutely no clue what in the world “zen” was.  After studying the zen philosophy and practicing divorce law for close to 2 decades, Bush had it right, everything is zen…even marriage and divorce.

If you want a quick description of my interpretation of zen, it is well summed with an acceptance of a concept embodied in a popular zen quote, which reads “the delusion of humanity is to believe that I am in here and you are out there”.  What is good for your spouse is most likely good for you and your children.  Your well being and their well being are actually, believe it or not, the same thing.  Marriages often fail because of the inability of one or both parties to recognize that their happiness is to the benefit of their spouse.  Many conceptual similarities are found in the reading of the Holy Bible.

This will be a short blog simply because it is confusing.  It requires some degree of taking everything you thought you knew and forgetting it all.  We are all selfish to some extent or another.  Letting go of that is the only thing that will make your marriage last. 

My advice to you if you are considering a divorce is to be the one who sees your equality in marriage.  If you let your guard down, take a leap of faith, remember the words spoken in your vows, you have done all you can and have earned a divorce.  You cannot control others, so start with YOU first.  In the words of Bush, everything is truly, well, zen.  If it does not work and divorce is inevitable, call or email us anytime.

Matthew Poole is a Jackson, Mississippi Domestic Lawyer and a Single Father

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