Posts Tagged ‘Visitation schedule’

ARE DADS STILL THE UNDERDOG IN A CUSTODY BATTLE?

Monday, December 10th, 2018

Let’s face it: Fathers who are “fighting” for custody of their children start out with the figurative “one hand tied behind their back”. But in the past decade or more, great progress has been made to allow for a more level playing field. Let’s briefly explore this subject and, hopefully, shed some positive light on this complicated issue.

I am not hesitant to use the phrase “custody battle”, but many times that is the best description of what this type of court case is, or becomes. Many cases might begin with the parents declaring to each other, their lawyers, their families, and most importantly their children, that they only want what’s best for the children. Some parents even try to adhere to this promise. But all too often the proceedings drag on and frustrations set in and what began as a “cordial” case turns into just what we didn’t want or expect: a Battle.

Fighting it out with your ex often becomes the only way to assert your rights regarding everything, including the custody and visitation of your children; unfortunately, the fight itself almost always makes the dad out to be the bad guy. That is, those dads who refuse to accept the “standard visitation” schedule of every other weekend and an extra day or two sprinkled throughout the month are classified as “combative” or hard-to-deal with. The old-fashioned mindset was: How selfish! Those guys are only thinking of themselves and aren’t putting the kids first, some might say. *A personal note: If someone suggested that I was only allowed to see my kids every other weekend as they grew up, there would be more than a battle to ensue – there may have been a pair of handcuffs involved in that conversation. Thankfully, the mindset in this area is more open to the ideas of “Joint Custody” and “Shared Custody” and other forms of co-parenting scheduling plans that include and facilitate the involvement of BOTH PARENTS, not simply more time with mom and less with dad. Of course, when mindsets change, the laws and court decisions follow suit, and that is encouraging.

There are several factors that each parent must consider when they are “battling” for custodial periods of time with your child. For example: always keep in mind the time constraints of your employment when you fight for the extra week-day. If you agree to, or are awarded by the Court, every Wednesday, but you must work until 6:00pm and you are unable to pick up your child from school, then what have you really gained? Geography and logistics must be considered, as well. Same scenario: Dad is awarded Wednesday and he must return the child to school on Thursday morning; however, he lives more than an hour away! The return trip to school must begin at 5:00 a.m. or earlier. Is this a victory for Dad? Is it a good situation for the child? Finances play a part (of course) as does the support system in place for each separated parent. Can Dad afford to take time off work for the extra time? And after this somewhat lengthy discussion, we have yet to mention the child’s wishes and needs. I believe it is safe to say that no loving parent – regardless of any other factor – would choose a custodial period with the child that interfered with an activity that is important to the child. Dads forced with this decision almost always defer to the wishes of the child. This becomes a sword that cuts both ways: now Mom and her legal team can suggest to the Court that Dad doesn’t want extra time.

The Conclusion, if there is to be one in this brief overview of an extremely complex issue, is that Father’s involved in a Divorce proceeding should take great care in avoiding the pitfalls of a “custody battle”. Consider the cost of “winning”. Who benefits? Who loses? Is there any common ground that should be explored? Has reasonableness been abandoned? And finally, but most importantly, what schedule and situation is best for the child?

Maximum involvement of both parents in the upbringing of the child(ren) should be the desired outcome in any case. In more and more jurisdictions, this is the presumption of what is in the best interests of the child. Father’s more and more are being considered “equal” parents. I see this trend as a good one – for Dads and for their children.

Matthew Poole is a Jackson, Mississippi family attorney specializing in domestic conflict resolution. He was selected as a 2018 top 10 family lawyer by the National Association of Family Attorneys.