Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’

Facebook + Difficult Marriage = Divorce

Friday, February 14th, 2020

Ok, I already know what you are thinking.  How can social media alone lead to the downfall of a marriage?  Afterall, there are indeed many people who use Facebook solely to keep in contact with old friends and family.  But let us be totally honest.  Most single  and some married users of Facebook are simply making an attempt to broaden their pool of potential mates (guys, I am especially talking about you). 

There is no question that Facebook does add some positive attributes to one’s social life, but is the unrestricted communication interrupting the sanctity of marriage?  Is it too easy to vent problems with your spouse to any listening ear when we need one the most?  Are the people we “friend” truly able to give us objective and moral advice about a crumbling marriage?  Do they have your best interests at heart, or their own?  Let’s break this into pieces and explore some of what may be obvious but needs to be emphasized.  Emotion without logic never leads anyone to a good life result.

For those of us who grew up as teenagers without cell phones, we remember the simplicity of communicating with the people we held dear.  It was not as easy as it is today…we had to actually call a landline, and for me, I had to make nice with mom or dad before getting on the phone with the young lady I had a crush on.  It seems in some ways that this is the way it should be.  Is it?  Well, to say it succinctly the internet, for all of the benefits, may be more dangerous than valuable. 

It is clear that some of the benefits of wide-open communication are also impediments to the sanctity of personal relationships…marriage in particular.  Not only do we open ourselves to voices that should be distant from our most intimate experiences, we allow more easily anyone to chime in via social media.  I will attempt to break down the reality of social media’s impact on marriage in two ways.

First, it is understandable that when we are dissatisfied with our partner to vent, and what is easier than doing so online?  Gone are the days of landlines and some degree of separation between our marriages and those people who, possibly with good intent, want to tell us how best to decide our paths forward.  Fetching quick advice from a friend online is tempting for everyone, but tread lightly because they are only hearing one side of the story. 

Secondly, that attractive member of the opposite sex does not necessarily have your best interests at heart.  They likely have an agenda…to wedge themself between you and the person you hold dear.  Again, if you sense that they are not supportive of your marriage, they are not supportive of you.  Your spouse is one with you and the law also recognizes that your interests are sacrosanct…they are one in the same.  

Facebook and social media in general have dramatically changed the landscape of divorce.  Even though accounts may be designated as “private”, the bulk of information contained in them is a simple subpoena away for an adept lawyer…that may change quite soon.  Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook C.E.O., recently announced a plan to encrypt all messages sent via their messenger feature.  This basically means they will be nonexistent once they are read.  Talk about a way to cheat in private with no one being able to know a paramour exists.  My suspicion is that most cheaters are looking forward to this feature rolling out in the near future.

As a final thought, divorce rates are down in sheer volume, but have spiked in relation to percentages with the onset of social media.  Divorce trials are inundated with Facebook posts as evidence of adultery.  The personal and intimate nature of romance seems more and more elusive when we are open to unfettered communication.  While it may be a well-meaning friend or a new love interest that interferes in marriage, there does not seem to be any improvement in sight short of people ditching social media outright.  That is a scenario no one can fathom and simply will not happen.

Facebook: The Great Divorce Equalizer

Sunday, April 14th, 2019

Most of you who are reading this post remember simpler days, those pre-ancient times even prior to “Myspace”, and possibly from the era where cellular phones were reserved for the elite upper classes and the size of a half-loaf of bread. Gone are the days of simple social interaction. Once upon a time in the 1990’s, when I was a teenager, my peers and I had to actually call a young woman at her home if we wanted to see her outside of school. On an actual “landline”. Usually we expected to be fully screened by her mom or dad before speaking to her. It was all in due course and expected. Then in the late 1990’s came the internet. Communication with potential mates became plentiful, if not burdensome. God help marriage. Times have certainly changed.

Although most have realized some benefit of the wide-open communication brought by Facebook and Instagram in connecting with old friends, the perils are laid bare in the context of our most sacred social institution…..marriage. In 2005, I opened a practice focused on domestic litigation, and not necessarily by pure choice. Many of my closest friends had difficulties early in marriage and kids in tow as well. They saw no easy out and no way to salvage their sanity and their childrens’ well-being. Complex problems require complex solutions and plain will to fight for what is fair.

When social media became entrenched within our everyday lives, our cultural landscape became forever altered. When people are more easily accessed, spoken to, and available for picking their brains or for plain run-of-the mill conversation, we open a new paradigm…..some good, some dangerous. I have to dig deep to recall a single divorce case in the past decade that did not require subpoena to a social media provider. At this point, the legal teams at Facebook and Instagram have me on speed dial. The results of the subpoena power demonstrate that so many married people essentially live a double life. It is all too easy to hide behind a keyboard and away from the reality of normal married life.

My posts often lack advice (sadly it is not easy to come by, nor do I possess the ability to solve complex relationship issues), some are purely observation. I hope that anyone can derive at least a few helpful words from each of my posts. I truly appreciate my readers. So many of you inspire me to maintain my desire to speak about the unspeakable.

My sole tidbit of information that may well be beneficial when faced with divorce is that a decent lawyer is only a subpoena away from obtaining every social media post and response thereto since the day you walked down that sacred aisle. It is all fair game in the process of legal discovery, and although some attorneys are too inept (or lazy) to do so, make sure that you recognize the possible reality…..facing hard, cold facts that impact your divorce.

Social media is a proverbial gold mine for domestic attorneys like myself, and the best of us know that a small investment in a subpoena for document production can and often does pay huge dividends for our clients. Issuing a well-placed subpoena “duces tecum” (for document production) can be a major asset for a client, especially in today’s age of hyper-social interaction. Do not assume that you are operating in a private realm if online. That assumption is not only dangerous in the context of divorce and child custody, it is just plain dumb.

Matthew Poole is a Jackson, Mississippi Custody and Divorce Attorney. He will be speaking at the National Business Institute on July 18, 2019 at the Marriott, Pearl MS on divorce procedure and practice. Multiple continuing education credits will be granted for both government and private institutions. Access further information at their website.

Social Media

Saturday, June 17th, 2017

Social media is literally everywhere in our world. When used responsibly, it can be a great outlet for news and sports sources, as well as a way to better connect with old friends and family members. However, the negative effects of social media are well documented, and social media’s presence in domestic law is especially prevalent.

People on both sides of a relationship should be wary of social media use and how it may impact their relationships outside of the Internet. On one hand, Instagram likes or Facebook messages can be seen as done with devious intent by the other party in a relationship. This can obviously lead to situations where one party may be unfaithful to the other, or result in a total breakdown of trust between two people. Communication with someone online is often a reference point for why a relationship did not or cannot work. That being said, people should be careful about how these situations are approached. Assuming the worst can often lead to more distrust in relationships, and it may have been much ado about nothing. It is certainly a shame when two people decide to not be together over something that could easily be avoided.

Understandably, questionable online practices may make a spouse feel that they need to speak with a lawyer about how to approach that issue. However, as powerful as that urge may be, our office would caution people who contact a lawyer solely because of social media use. Without much other evidence of another spouse’s bad behavior, that behavior can be difficult to prove, and can lead to clients insisting there is foul play happening, leading a lawyer down a rabbit hole trying to grab at any proof they can. As appealing as speaking to a lawyer about a spouse’s social media use, our office encourages you to use your best judgment, and to be rather sure there is more to that Facebook message than just a friendly catch-up. If you have any problems with a spouse’s online presence and would like to contact our office, please give us a call at 601-573-7429.