Posts Tagged ‘divorce advice’

Messy Divorces: A Few Tips and One BIG Key

Thursday, February 21st, 2019

Most people seeking divorce are surprised at the complexity and cost associated, particularly when assets and child custody issues are hotly contested. One thing I have learned in 15 years and 1,300-ish domestic cases later is that clients will either be an asset for fair resolution or they will get in their own way to the extent of holding up a fair and final resolution for them and their children. My goal here is to help you the former and avoid being the later……even if the advice isn’t exactly what you wanted to hear.

Let’s start by starting some fairly obvious things you may need to be reminded of. First, never forget that marriage is a partnership, and our state begins any divorce with the notion that what is yours is his and vice versa. It is not to far different than a business partnership for the purposes of our discussion.

Secondly, Chancery Court judges do not value a litigant who comes across as angry, vindictive, or belligerent. To put it lightly, your testimony will be tainted as long as those attitudes persist. Coming across as the nice person you hopefully are will go further than you might think. A courtroom will never be a sparring match where overt aggression is effective, although there is a time and place for heavy-handed techniques. Trust your lawyer and avoid being the bad cop.

Third, do not assume that the court is familiar with every facet of your case. Specific evidence, be it documentation, witness testimony, an object, even your own diary need to be presented in a clean, thorough and articulate manner or expect that they are unknown to the judge. Keep in mind, hundreds of cases are on their docket at any given time.

Now the biggest and best for last. This tip is so important and also the most overlooked, largely because it is so very counter intuitive on its face. This tip is rooted deeply in basic human psychology, difficult to carry out, and may even require a degree of acting on your part.

So here it is after much adieu……..NEVER, EVER let your spouse know how badly you want out. They will expect you to give up more and take less. They will smell blood in the water and become a shark. Avoid this trap and you won’t have to “buy” your way out of an unhappy marriage. This is tough to execute, but trust me, it works.

Matthew Poole General Biography, 2019

Matthew has lived in the Jackson area since 1989 and is an honors graduate of Jackson Preparatory School, Millsaps College Political Science Department as the recipient of the Second Century Scholarship, and the University of Mississippi School of Law. At Ole Miss, he was named Finalist of the Steen, Reynolds, and Dalehite Trial Competition in 2003.

He began his legal career at the Mississippi Attorney General’s Office in 2004 after graduating from Ole Miss Law and served in the executive division as a policy advisor to Jim Hood and assisted in formulating Department of Human Services practices and procedure as well as administrative procedures in the areas of civil and insurance related litigation.

After leaving government service, he spent 2004 and 2005 serving as associate trial counsel at Wilkins, Stephen’s and Tipton and represented Medical Assurance Corporation, G.E. Medical Protective Corporation, Merck Pharmaceuticals, and GlaxoSmithKline Corporation.

Matthew opened his domestic litigation practice in 2005 and has taken over 300 domestic cases through final trial. He has been named a Top Ten Mississippi Domestic Attorney twice since 2014. He has been honored to serve as Justice at the Mississippi College School of Law’s annual Copeland Cook Taylor and Bush Moot Court Competition on several occasions.

Matthew has a nine year old son, Lucas, and is particularly focused on custody matters and modifications as well as contempt issues that are associated with them. He is passionate in advocacy for single parents and children who are the victims of abuse and neglect.

A Path to Simplify Custody/Divorce Disputes – 5 Tips

Sunday, October 21st, 2018

The vast majority of parents simply cannot afford to fight a custody battle all the way through trial. More than one-half of custody battles cost each litigant in excess of one-hundred hours of attorney time, and when adding expenses such as investigative fees and court costs, it is rare that a custody battle will not lead to fees similar to that of a major surgery. As I say, there are no simple solutions to complex problems. However it is quite clear that having a clear basis for discussion with your child/children’s other parent can assist in formulating a workable path forward.

When a prospective client calls my office, the first thing we often hear is that no conversation regarding custody, visitation, support, insurance, etc. has occurred regarding the children. This presents what I would call a “non-starter”. If the caller has vast financial resources, perhaps it may make sense to shirk what seems to be the obvious starting point of talking about a resolution with little conflict; conversation.

More often than not, parents can prevent a whole lot of cost and lost sleep by having a conversation with the other parent that maintains a linear path to resolution. Funds are better spent on college or other educational opportunities that children often lack. How can this be accomplished? Here is a simple blueprint that will hopefully advance your cause and save you money and stress that accompanies child custody litigation. Hopefully my clients have done everything under the sun to avoid costly litigation, however some legal “scholars” may have convinced them the fight and not be their own best diplomat.

The blueprint to successful low-cost resolution is as follows:

Offer visitation that is respectful of the other parent’s work schedule. Often, the hang-up in custody/visitation matters is that one parent had an irregular and unpredictable work schedule. There are many ways to accommodate these issues and a little bit of creativity often goes a long way.

Unless your ex is violent or a danger to your child, consider agreeing to joint legal custody. It is only a token victory for the opposition and will help to avoid future conflict. Legal custody rarely has significant impact and is a valuable tool in negotiation. It feels like a moral victory to those who tout their parenting abilities and want involvement with their little ones.

Consider initially seeking alimony only if your marriage has been over 8 years and there is significant disparity between your income and that of your spouse. Also, keep in mind that earning capacity is considered as much as actual earning history. If you are highly educated and do not have stay at home kids, the odds of receiving alimony are slender anyway.

Don’t worry about keeping the house, an equity payout is just as valuable. If you are unable to afford the mortgage payment, you are likely fighting a losing battle anyway.

Don’t seek attorney fees unless there is a true need. The old saying “don’t put good money before bad money” applies here. You will often spend more battling for fees than it is worth. Also, it is rare to see awards of more than 3-4 thousand dollars unless the payer makes more than six figures annually.

In short, people waste an awful lot of money to “win” a divorce or custody case because they are determined to be right. I respectfully suggest that more often than not, the price of moral vindication is too high to make sense. If a legal decision saves dollars, it also makes cents (get it?….my attempt at humor usually is not that funny). If you need help navigating a divorce or custody matter I will gladly put you on the best path to peaceful, inexpensive resolution.

Matthew Poole is a Jackson, MS domestic attorney who specializes in family law conflict resolution. He was selected Top 10 Family Lawyer in the state in 2018 by the National Association of Family Attorneys. He is a 2001 Millsaps Second Century Merit Scholar and Finalist of the Steen, Reynolds, and Dalehite Trial Competition. He was admitted to the Bar in 2004.