Reading Your Custody Lawyer’s Mind

When people call custody lawyers (divorce-related or not), they are usually in for a big surprise.  These cases are most often fueled by animosity toward the other parent.  As we all know, when people are highly emotional, we tend to make mistakes.  The pain of divorce is absolutely terrible for those involved.  What seem to be simple custody cases are also full of hurt and negativity.

I want to make two simple points in this article.  The first applies only to those who were married and divorced or those who are now divorcing.  The second only to those who were never married to the opposing parent.  Here is what we are thinking each and every time.  So, here it goes, my first (and best) article of 2020.  

1. Married and divorced parents go through various emotional phases when they contact divorce lawyers.  Only when they have accepted that no easy solution exists and the emotion is under control can a reasonable and cost effective solution be had.  That’s a tough pill to swallow for most.  Never forget the well-known lawyer quote, “criminal lawyers see bad people at their best, and domestic lawyers see good people at their worst”.  That couldn’t be more true.  Some people wait years to come to an agreement.  And some never go to the courts at all because these are complex and fact-driven matters.  No form exists to get you what you want.  Neither does it for your ex.  Many callers believe that firmly.  Call the chancery court and find out for yourself.

2. If you are expecting a child and unmarried, it is crucial to understand that establishing fair parameters is best accomplished before the child is born…especially paternity.  Men are disadvantaged when step one, paternity, is not agreed upon, so to you guys, be forewarned.  For the women, collecting his tax returns and pay stubs early on is a necessity.  Although there is some debate about whether evidence of pre-birth intentions of the parents has much weight, it is certainly a good place to start.  Don’t forget that expenses will steadily rack up after the pregnancy…a huge source of frustration for both involved…and of the emotion you should be avoiding…negativity.  If you believe that the State of Mississippi will help you in obtaining custody or visitation, you are incorrect.  Child custody battles are not only emotionally taxing, they break the bank for most.  Exceeding 20-25k is not entirely unusual…per side.  Scary thought, right?

Seeing the big picture in your custody battle, married or not, requires a massive degree of restraint.  As I have often said, if everyone were reasonable, I wouldn’t have a job (at least not as a domestic attorney).  Cooler heads should, and usually do prevail.  Being prepared for what lies ahead is front and center.  After all of the dust clears, seeing the mess you are in can and will be cleaned-up, but if you let anger and sadness make your decisions, be prepared for a life-long battle that only hurts the kids.  

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