Facebook + Difficult Marriage = Divorce

Ok, I already know what you are thinking.  How can social media alone lead to the downfall of a marriage?  Afterall, there are indeed many people who use Facebook solely to keep in contact with old friends and family.  But let us be totally honest.  Most single  and some married users of Facebook are simply making an attempt to broaden their pool of potential mates (guys, I am especially talking about you). 

There is no question that Facebook does add some positive attributes to one’s social life, but is the unrestricted communication interrupting the sanctity of marriage?  Is it too easy to vent problems with your spouse to any listening ear when we need one the most?  Are the people we “friend” truly able to give us objective and moral advice about a crumbling marriage?  Do they have your best interests at heart, or their own?  Let’s break this into pieces and explore some of what may be obvious but needs to be emphasized.  Emotion without logic never leads anyone to a good life result.

For those of us who grew up as teenagers without cell phones, we remember the simplicity of communicating with the people we held dear.  It was not as easy as it is today…we had to actually call a landline, and for me, I had to make nice with mom or dad before getting on the phone with the young lady I had a crush on.  It seems in some ways that this is the way it should be.  Is it?  Well, to say it succinctly the internet, for all of the benefits, may be more dangerous than valuable. 

It is clear that some of the benefits of wide-open communication are also impediments to the sanctity of personal relationships…marriage in particular.  Not only do we open ourselves to voices that should be distant from our most intimate experiences, we allow more easily anyone to chime in via social media.  I will attempt to break down the reality of social media’s impact on marriage in two ways.

First, it is understandable that when we are dissatisfied with our partner to vent, and what is easier than doing so online?  Gone are the days of landlines and some degree of separation between our marriages and those people who, possibly with good intent, want to tell us how best to decide our paths forward.  Fetching quick advice from a friend online is tempting for everyone, but tread lightly because they are only hearing one side of the story. 

Secondly, that attractive member of the opposite sex does not necessarily have your best interests at heart.  They likely have an agenda…to wedge themself between you and the person you hold dear.  Again, if you sense that they are not supportive of your marriage, they are not supportive of you.  Your spouse is one with you and the law also recognizes that your interests are sacrosanct…they are one in the same.  

Facebook and social media in general have dramatically changed the landscape of divorce.  Even though accounts may be designated as “private”, the bulk of information contained in them is a simple subpoena away for an adept lawyer…that may change quite soon.  Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook C.E.O., recently announced a plan to encrypt all messages sent via their messenger feature.  This basically means they will be nonexistent once they are read.  Talk about a way to cheat in private with no one being able to know a paramour exists.  My suspicion is that most cheaters are looking forward to this feature rolling out in the near future.

As a final thought, divorce rates are down in sheer volume, but have spiked in relation to percentages with the onset of social media.  Divorce trials are inundated with Facebook posts as evidence of adultery.  The personal and intimate nature of romance seems more and more elusive when we are open to unfettered communication.  While it may be a well-meaning friend or a new love interest that interferes in marriage, there does not seem to be any improvement in sight short of people ditching social media outright.  That is a scenario no one can fathom and simply will not happen.

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